When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
