Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
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This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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