Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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