your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
