paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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