I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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