We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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