I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
