vagina is talking i cant
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
