I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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