everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
