That's intense
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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