The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We need to get me chipped asap
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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