Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
