I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize