she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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