Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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