Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
