Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
