I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
