New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
