First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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