Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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