"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need a beard to bite.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
