he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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