i already hear my dad disowning me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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