It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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