And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
