He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
