I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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