If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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