I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize