I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
