the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
