I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
