So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
