omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
