you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
