I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.