I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.