I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.