Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This baby is an asshole
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.