she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My cat gives me a boner
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.