she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.