I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love