i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
