I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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