the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
