There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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