Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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