I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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