the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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