...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
