Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
