If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dignity is for republicans.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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