There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
