we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
