Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
