chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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