I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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