The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
