I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
