she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
