I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
