I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
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Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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