Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
