I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
