I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
